39 Weeks, 1 Day – The Anxiety and Self Doubt is Creeping in

I am only about a week from my due date and I am kind of freaked out.  The thing people constantly ask is, “are you all ready?”  I think I can be the most prepared person in the world but totally not “ready” for the life changes that are coming.  There is this little person that will be coming home with us and it is kind of crazy.  I think I have had the same conversation with lots of different parents.  When we adopted our pup, they called our landlord and got references… they just let you take a baby home, no questions asked… just crazy.

Also, preparations don’t always work out. In the last couple days I have been thrown a little for a loop and what needs to get done ASAP.  I don’t have the food ready for the first month of the baby’s life ready like I thought.  I feel a little lost, just really hard to think about what I need to get done as quick as possible.  I belong to a mom’s group, but I am still very unsure if I really “belong” there.  I am not a fan of asking for help and am feeling a little nervous about the coming time.  Many people start food trains for new parents but I sometimes feel like I am being an imposition on people.

As days go on, I feel more and more unsure of everything, but I think that is part of what giving birth for the first time, I think?  I like my doula, but what if I don’t want to have her there at the time?  What is Z panics during the labor or birth and needs help himself?  I have never done this before and I am kind of terrified, instead of feeling reassured that I can do this as I get closer and closer, I feel less sure in my abilities.  My anxieties are starting to creep into it and that doesn’t feel great.

6 days until the baby is due.

Update (4/26):  After much love and support, I am feeling better about how things will go.  I am lucky to have some amazing loved ones.

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